I am considering marriage and settling down, so, I need some info from those who have gone through this ordeal.

Right now, I have 2 options.

1) Finish my Master's, go for Phd and go into full time teaching/research while remaining single. All the spare time will be used for work/research/games/anime.

2) Finish my Master's, continue with my current job, marry and settle down.

My idea of a relationship is a bit different in that I am like wolves - I want to mate for life if it happens. I don't have any interest in the typical boyfriend-girlfriend thing/random dating. It's either all or nothing.

So I want to ask those of you who have gone through this part of life - Do you ever feel like you shouldn't have done it, so that you could experience a lot more freedom? Or would you do anything to keep things the way you are (ie you really love your wife more than anything else)? I know that sacrifices will have to be made and some personal freedoms will have to go for good, but did you guys ever regret settling down, as opposed to living like a bachelor free bird?

yes

I'm not married or anything, but I find it absurd that you put your life into this type of flip a switch and go. Where's your flexibility, I don't think happiness could ever be achieved by this rigged way.

EDIT: All I am going to say now is not look at it at some decision point and live you're live more subjectively.

No Matter which you pick your gonna have some times in your life when you'll regret your decision. The main thing is if you are in a good relationship and she won't stay without marriage then you have to keep her. If you can live without her in your life ever again then don't get married. Regret is part of growing old and your always gonna look back and wonder how it would have been if you made the other choice. Single people and married people have regrets just the same either the one that got away or maybe i shouldn't have gotten married.

MY advice is, don't get married if your wondering that you'll regret it because you probably will eventually and if that regret is strong enough you might grow to resent your wife.

Do get married if your happy to make those sacrifices you're talking about. When the things you do and stuff you have become petty and mundane compared the person your with then get married.

If you don't think you're ready, you're probably not.

I think dating or courting is a mandatory part of the process. You have to get the know the person and they have to get to know you, period. Unless you're going the mail-order bride route and good luck with that.

Not that I'm married, but, I agree with Shorty in the sense if you are worrying about regretting a marriage, then perhaps it's not quite time yet. But as I said I'm not a married man, and I'm sure the thoughts "Is it going to last? will I regret it?" Runs through every man's mind before they wed.

My advice: Stay confident, if you love her enough then it should be fine. Or if you just aren't quite ready yet, wait a little longer.

If this chick is the one then this should be something you can discuss with her.But if your saying option one is dumping her to have time to pursue this option i would say go with the dump.I'm not saying that because i don't think you should marry, i say that because you even put option one on the table.Ive been married 15 years and have never regretted it.

Do you even realize who you're asking here?

Really?

...

Watch this, I made it a while ago but it still applies.

Coaches video highlights one major thing...lol..by teh way way to forget how long you're married coach hahaha had me laughing hard at that part

Also from the professional student perspective... Stop analyzing, Stop even thinking, And just go out, and see what happens. You're not going to skip the bad relationships, you're not going to skip running around chasing women, and you're not going to skip the BS of bad breakups. Even as a professional student working over 9000 hours a week studying your head off, you can still have a girlfriend and enjoy life. Resident doctors/interns who spend from sunup to sundown working still find a way to manage it.

lmao coachs video is awesome and is so true! But just go for it imo if its there it is, if its not then its not. You cant just go up to a chick and say hey marry me because i say so... not anymore at least and they be happy. But really best of luck if you decide to get married.

BAAAAAAHAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAAAAA!!!

Coach thats priceless!

anyway bro, just to clear somethign up, getting married doesnt necessarily mean you have to sacrifice anything. its all choices. you have a goal in your life, and you have things that you do that make you happy. just because you pick up a woman doesnt mean your going to have to give it all up. stop trying to settle for something thats less than your expectations and actualy come to terms with what you want. getting married means your willing to share your life with someone, not give it up for theirs. if you want to go for your Ph.D watch anime and shoot shit on games, then find a girl that wants to be apart of that.

i have been married 6 years and its great ,there are times that are not great but if both of you can give each other respect and love each other it can work .but talk to her first and both of you be certain of what you both expect from each other (roles in the home) ,and don't expect to change each other that shit will make one fail in a heart beat . people dont change unless they want to and you can not force or will them to be the person you want them to be.GOOD LUCK.by the way every one has some questions whether or not to do it so thats completely normal.

I agree with Tazzaler in that it's not one or the other. Settling down with someone doesn't mean you have to put your career on hold, it's just something you'd have to discuss and plan with your partner instead of just doing it. Now, starting a FAMILY might warrant a little more concern about putting your life on hold, but you've got a lot more things you need to talk about with your partner there than simply continuing on your career path in college.

Now while I've only been married for a year, I've been with my wife between 3 and 4 years now. We moved in together during my last year in college, and that was the big step. After learning to live together, marriage didn't really feel different to us at all, and we've been happily married for a year now. My advice is this:

1) Figure out if the person you're with has the same goals in mind and what she wants out of a relationship (family, marriage, whatever). If these don't line up, the choice is pretty easy, especially given the kind of person you are (someone who wants a person for life). Trying to force someone to be something they're not generally ends up in frustration and domestic violence (bit of a joke on that last part).
2) After you've figured some of this out, if this is the person you really want to stay with, you now discuss your future career and what you want to do with it. If she's cool with it, cool. If not, (and this is where one choice lies) you'll have to decide if she's a person you want to maintain a relationship with or to cut it off right there.
3) And this is a big one, before you ever, EVER consider marriage, I strongly recommend cohabitation. Marrying someone and then figuring out that you hate living with someone is a one-way road to divorce. Marriage is a beautiful thing, but the most important thing about this unity between two people lies in compatibility, compromise, and communication. While it is easy to love someone, things like religion, way of life, level of cleanliness, and daily rituals can create quite a rift between partners, no matter how much they love each other. So by all means, try it out first.

And in conclusion, follow Tazz's advice, and don't treat this phase of life like a fork in the path between a life long partner and a career :P

Married for 15 years, been with my wife for 20. Of course there are times when you wonder what could have been and no matter what decision you make there will always be regrets. I think the big question for me is if I had the chance to do it all over again would I choose differently, and I can honestly say no I would not. It's not always easy, but in the end having someone to share your life with is definitely worththe trouble.

All that being said, I think Coach is dead on right and I wish to hell I had run across that gem of advice 20 years ago, :)

I also think Shorty is absolutely hitting on a valid point as well. If you are going to get hitched you damn well better be convinced beyond any doubt that you are making the right decision. If you are having doubts like that right now then you are probably making a mistake. Don't let the old one eyed trouser trout make that kind of decision for you...there are plenty of ponds around he can go for a swim in.

Sometimes, and only sometime, Coach gives me a man on man boner. Sorry :(

I would defiantly say that you should do the dating thing first! Once you've dated a couple psycho hoes then you can make a determination of who would be the woman for you.

Wow Coach you shouldn't let people video tape you while your drunk.

I think it's important for people to date in order to find out what kind of person they would like to be with, I think you might be surprised in what you'll find out about yourself. I've been in and on and off relationship for 10 years and all I have to say is that it sucks when almost all the pieces fit and when you cant force those last few to fit it's hard to walk away. I have my own personal views on marriage that I wont get into but I think far too many people settle for whoever their with because they think they have to and man take a look around, it doesnt work out very well for most of them (50% divorce rate and a lot of unhappy marriages). Also, marriage should never hold you back, ever. Yes, your priorities will change, or at least I hope they would if you plan on making it work and understand the level of responsibility and possible sacrifice needed to make things work but it should never leave you thinking, "maybe I should have gotten my PhD." You should find someone who supports your pursuits and understands what it will take to achieve them and you should understand and be supportive for your partners pursuits as well.

hAHAHAHAHA coach. Fantastic.

Coach....u look so young,,,,what a philosophy. I've been married since 1982. Do the math. I don't sit down to pee...unless I can't stand up. There are plenty of other compromises. But, with out her and my kids...I most likely be a hermit in a cave some where..or dead. They make it all worth while.