HOLY F*CKING SHIT! I think I jizzed....in...my...pants!!!!!!

fappin and playing CS

My wife and I typically don't celebrate any of the "given" and "expected" holidays. Holidays like Valentine's Day are for chumps.

So, here's a scenario. Take your wife/girlfriend/whatev' out for the most expensive dinner that you'll experience the entire year. Later, you'll poop it out, but damn, it was soooo good!

Buy her flowers...The Red Rose and White Calla Lily Bouquet from this website: http://ww31.1800flowers.com/product.do? ... cid=d11788 will die, so you end up with a vase that ended up costing you anywhere between 60-75 bucks.

Also, candy...That can run anywhere from 10-40 bucks, depending on what you get. That also turns out as a turd and a pissed off woman because she puts on 5 lbs.

Ahh, the card...Even if she keeps the card until she dies. It eventually ends up being one thing: Trash. Unless you're really famous, then someone might buy it as memorabilia.

Jewelry...A tremendous waste of money. Women really only need one piece of jewelry during a relationship: A wedding ring. That's just to keep her marked, like a dog that pisses on a tree, anything else is just a waste...Oh, okay, maybe some earrings would be ok, just don't go overboard with the spending. BUT! Heart shaped earrings that she'll only wear for the month = waste of cash.

Spas or getaways...Another huge money waster. My wife would probably murder me if I spent thousands of dollars on something like this. Really, she probably would.

Want to get something for your significant other that will last? How about a cooking class? Or plant a tree. Do something that's permanent. People seriously need to stop overspending on all of these holidays!

I'm very lucky to have a wife like I do. She's not needy and doesn't give a shit if I "forget" when suchandsuch day was or what happened on that day or where we were at this time or any of the other things that most women like to argue about.

So, all of that being said, I'll probably text her a picture of something like this:



With a caption that says something like: These are what the roses would look like a couple of weeks after if I had wanted to waste the money buying them for you in the first place. Have a good night at work.

Edit: Speaking of which, I just found an awesome website: http://www.deadroses.com/

Coach...just hear me out.

Im going to buy my girl friend roses for the first time in the 7 year span i have known her. i dont like flowers as a gift, because they are over priced and die. I feel they represent a relationship dying fast or if its for the sick, that they are in fact dying. But ima make some of my special spagetti sauce for a fancy at home dinner (probably sooner than Vday) and maybe on Vday go to get some Red Lobster cus they have a good deal atm and she likes to get good deal. hoping for some funtime later too ;)

Realistically because I just spent an absurd amount of money on another gun (pics as soon as it comes in, 8-10 days *sigh) I'll think of something good. Most likely flowers, dinner and a taste of the meat wand.

Get up, eat, play games, eat, play games, choke the chicken, play some more games or fall asleep watching Netflix. Pretty much the usual day in the life of a Dead Man.

I think going to a chain restaurant would just be a shit place to go for a "special holiday".

she told me she wanted to go to olive garden so that's where i'm taking her o.0 thought i asked what everyone plans were, not to ask if everyone would bash my plans lol, but IMO, i dont like olive garden either, F*CK i would much rather go to red robin, but that's what she likes, so that's what she gets.

Even if she says she wants Olive Garden, find something better. I'm not trying to bash your plans. Just trying to improve them. Olive garden is an any day of the week meal. Valentines day is a day to find something special and out of the ordinary. "Surprise honey! We're going to that fancy restaurant you always wanted to try!"

Or learn how to cook the shit she'd be eating if you went to Olive Garden only make it 100 times nicer looking and better tasting.

Im going to cross over the bridge to KY and give turok an alabama hot pocket.... see you soon buddy ;)

I'm completely with Coach here - the fixed "you should do something nice for your gf/spouse/whatever" are complete bullshit. You want to be romantic? Surprise him/her on a regular day of the week. You don't need a special occasion to show your love for your special one.

I'm married and I never even think about Valentine's Day.

Women who don't get their men something, don't deserve anything. BTW, sex is nto a gift from a woman to a man. They wanna get fucked just as much as you do.

BTW, if you want some cheap jewelry for V-day:
http://1saleaday.com/jewelry/

or go straight to their supplier http://www.shadora.com

I'm going to Flix Brewhouse (a brewpub + movie theater) to see True Romance with my girlfriend for $5:

http://www.flixbrewhouse.com/event/valentines-day/

http://www.flixbrewhouse.com/brewery/

Place is legit -- I went there this past Friday to see "The Grey"

How about the writer of the article's last name? How do you really pronounce "Matyszczyk"?

Although I agree with Coach....my wife..bless her heart is a little more needy than his. I have three ladies in my life that I must take care of. My daughter, my mother, and my wife. I buy flowers and chocolates for all. Then we have a family dinner..usually we grill steak and steam crab legs. This year..we get to attend my son's HS basketball game on the 14th. So, the family dinner will be on Sunday, and I'll take Mrs Dirtbag out on Friday, as well. I like pooping out fine meals....the next day. I've been studying yelp, etc... to find the best place. I'm usually not very romantic..go figure. So, this holiday forces me to be. I'm coming up on my 30th wedding anniversary so you kids pay attention.....always and I mean always lick that "button" until she screams stop.

Holy F*CK. your mom is still alive?

easy now....she is only 74....and she is single!