Re: American Horror Story
slayer wrote:
AngryKitten wrote:
Dumb show. Shitty hackneyed characters. Retarded editting.
Do yourself a favor and get AIDS instead.
Also my girl immediately went and bought a kitten and named him Tate after watching the show. Since then we have been forced to spend every last dime not going to bills on vet visits for this liitle F*CK and he spilled a whole glass of water on my laptop while it was running. I hate everything about this show.
lolololololololol your just mad they dont have the two gay guys in leather this season
Why would that make me mad? I can google that shit and find
better actors. If anything, I'm elated by the fact that I'm not having to watch it right now.
But for the sake of I have nothing else to do and you aggro'd me, here's
Angry Kitten's Retard Friendly Notes on American Horror Story:
American Horror Story's season one begins in present day Amurka as the average Amurkan has an extremely hard time grappling with tough concepts such as "past" or "future". It revolves around the Harmon family - your typical American family according to Hollywood since around 2002 when all the 90s superlesbo feminazi college grads finally got hired with their amazingly useful English/Women's Studies dual majors (and most likely minors in Philosophy or Painting with Vaginas).
The family members include Ben, Vivian, and Violet. Ben Harmon is your standard Hollywood male in that he is a complete and utter baby who is so in touch with his feelings, he may as well get a sex change. Every scene involving Ben starts with or results in him crying his eyes out because to allow patriarchy to be replaced with matriarchy, the populace has to have it's definitions of male and female completely reprogrammed. If you were to sit down and watch this show from beginning to end in one sitting, you would be treated to 9 hours of Dylan McDermott bawling his eyes out. How he did not win a Golden Globe for Hissiest Fit is beyond me. We should at least start a festival in his honor. We could name it the Crying Man Festival.
Vivian Harmon is the man of the family as his wife Ben is too busy weeping all the time. She is the epitome of true womanhood - as tough and resilient as her vagina. She is super strong, super independent (though for some unexplained reason she's married), and because she's a woman she always makes the right choices as opposed to men who never do. She's able to handle her shit and make tough decision under press- oh my god id keep writing this paragraph but im having a panic attack its a panic attack totally not regret or remorse or second thoughts and theres no way ill ever be able to take a deep breath and be responsible for my actions oh god oh god panic attack call a doctor anything i'm becoming hysterical. Vivian is played by an anomaly named Connie Britton who is actually just a donkey with enough layers of makeup applied so that it looks like the Crypt Keeper (host of the original American horror anthology).
Violet Harmon is the dau-
Other notable characters include:
Hayden, Ben's former student and mistress who would be hot with a different face and body (seriously she looks exactly like and probably is tranny pornstar Kimber James).
Two stereotypical gay guys, both played by Nick Swardson.
Constance, a Southern plantation bitch. In reality, she is an android replica of my mother.
Addie, a re-re and possibly the best actor/actress on the entire show. Most of this post is dripping with sarcasm, this part is not. I honestly believe she did the best job of all these unbelievable hacks.
Larry Harvey, in reality Harvey Dent. After the second new Batman movie, Harvey Dent was unable to return to Gotham City so he moved to L.A. to pursue a life of crime which began by stalking the 8th Wonder of the World: Crying Man.
Moira O'Hara, standard french maid. Apparently the writers loved Fallout 3 so much that they made this character to pay homage to not only the human version, but the ghoul version of Moira from Megaton. Supposedly a sex symbol, but all I can say is go look at old pictures of your grandma and imagine F*CKING her.
The actual story is shoddy at best, ranging from moments of intense "ah...huh" to laughably bad in most scenes. In episode 1, Vivian gets fucked by a ghost AND BECOMES PREGNANT FROM IT - storytelling this juvenile and stupid hasn't been reached since Constantine sat down with a bunch of fat, old Romans and handcrafted all the fables that comprise the modern Bible. In that same episode the first of a long time of piss poor editing jobs happens as Donkey Keeper Vivian begins talking at the far corner of the foot of the bed. She takes two steps then mid-sentence the camera angle changes and she continues talking WHILE LEANING AGAINST THE DOOR FRAME.
The plot continues going downhill from here with things getting worse and worse for this family solely by virtue of Diabolus ex Machina. Spoilers following: The story finally sputters to it's last dying breath by revealing that the ghost babby is really... wait for it... wait for it... wait for it... the Anti-Christ! DUN DUN DUUUUUUUNNNNNNNNNNNNN! Who saw that coming? Certainly not the millions of Americans who believe there's an invisible man in the sky commanding our sons and daughters fight and die for Israel.
Not even pot makes AHS tolerable. Every last little bit of this show reeks of helmets and drool bands, but somehow this abortion got renewed for a second season. Here's to hoping that season two is good.
Oh, and Archer is the only good show on FX.
