Alright as some of you know I am in the process of applying for law school and hoping to get in for the fall semester. It would be awesome if you guys would check it out and let me know what you think. It contains references to both video games and superheros. I want to make sure that it gets my point across clear without being overly dramatic, but would stand out among a crowd.
Thanks n00bs and enjoy!

My entire life I have always been branded the “good guy.” Being a good person is something that I take pride in. I think it is something that is hard wired into me because even in video games I always fight for the side of good when presented a choice. The good guy role isn't always easy. Many times you are faced with tough decisions that will bring you morals into question, and making the decision that you feel is right isn't always the one that is the most popular, and you may be looked down upon because of it. A man of good character is almost always described as a good guy.
What is character? It is defined as the aggregate of features and traits that form an individuals nature. Someone of good character would possess such traits as honesty, integrity, and responsibility. However, just because you possess these traits does not automatically make you a good guy. It is through the decisions you make and the actions you take that will make you a good guy not merely the traits you possess. No good guy has their character tested than that of the superhero.
Superheros are your ultimate good guys, facing off against the worst of the worst. When most people think of a good guy they think of someone like Superman or Batman, two good guys that through their actions keep the city safe fighting for the side of good. What makes a superhero a good guy? Is it superhuman strength or speed? I don't think so. Is it the fact that they fight along side their respective police forces? Probably not, because the police can be corrupt. I would say in the case of Superman and Batman it would be their strict adherence to a moral code. For example both hero's refuse to kill another sentient being. Many times have they been faced with a choice where they could kill an enemy goon and no one would know, but they choose to tie them up and let the justice system do its work.
We all know that Superman and Batman don't really exist, but that doesn't mean there aren't superheros out there. In the justice system is where the real superheros lie. Police officers bring in the goons and it is the job of the lawyers and judges to put them away. These men and women are the real superheros fighting on the side of good against evil. Lawyers more than any have their character put to the test everyday, not unlike the mythical ones. They have the burden on their shoulders of proving that the bad guy really is as terrible as he is made out to be to a group of ordinary citizens that may have no knowledge of his acts. These are the people really doing the work of superheros by putting the burden on their shoulders and putting the bad guys in jail.
As a lawyer I want to step out of the video game role of a good guy and do it for real. I want the responsibility of putting the bad guys in jail and to fight the good fight. I know there is a lot more to it than putting bad guys in jail and I am up to the challenge. I have a passion inside for good and for doing the right thing. I want to fight the good fight and be able to say, I made a difference, I did something that made the world a better place and that it is just a little bit better than it was the day before.

Hope you brushed up on your Hebrew.

I didn't read it because I'm at work and am about to leave, but in the beginning -- don't "think" -- thinking is weak language. Make everything you "think" about come through like absolute concrete fact. It strengthens your language a shitload more.

Here is a rough edit. Through reading this you will know what to look out for and how to alter your writing patterns to better suit a collegiate application. Compare it thoroughly to your rough draft and take note of the changes I made while you are completing this admissions essay.



My entire life I have always been branded the “good guy.” Being a good person is something that I take pride in. The desire to make that conscious effort is something that is hard wired into me. Even when I'm playing video games, I always fight for the side of good when presented a choice.

The good guy role isn't always easy. Many times you are faced with tough decisions that will bring your morals into question, and making the decision that you feel is right isn't always the one that is the most popular. You may also be looked down upon for sticking to your gut and doing what's right. A man of good character is almost always described as a good guy.

What is character? It is defined as the aggregate of features and traits that form an individual's nature. Someone of good character would possess such traits as honesty, integrity, and responsibility. However, just because you possess these traits does not automatically make you a good guy. It is through the decisions you make and the actions you take that make you a good guy, and not merely the traits that you possess. When it comes to testing one's character, no example of such challenges can be found to compare to those facing the superhero.

Superheros are your ultimate good guys, facing off against the worst of the worst. When most people think of a good guy they think of someone like Superman or Batman; two good guys who, through their actions, keep the city safe while fighting for the side of good. What makes a superhero a good guy? Is it superhuman strength or speed? I don't think so. Is it the fact that they fight alongside their respective police forces? Probably not. Even the police can be corrupt.

I would say that in the case of Superman and Batman, it would be their strict adherence to a moral code. For example, both heroes refuse to kill another sentient being. Many times have they been faced with a choice where they could kill an enemy goon and no one would know it, but they choose instead to isolate the villain or henchman and let the justice system do its work.

We all know that Superman and Batman don't really exist, but that doesn't mean there aren't superheros out there. The criminal justice system is where the real superheros can be found. Police officers bring in the goons and it is the job of the lawyers and judges to put them away. These men and women are the real superheros; in the fight between good and evil, they always side with good. Lawyers, more than any other profession in the criminal justice system, have their character put to the test everyday -not unlike the heroes made famous in myths, comic books and video games. They have the burden on their shoulders of proving that the bad guy really is as terrible as he is made out to be. The lawyer must get this across to a group of ordinary citizens who may have no knowledge of the acts perpetrated by the alleged criminal. Those in the criminal justice system are the people really doing the work of superheros by shouldering the burden of putting the bad guys in jail.

As a lawyer, I want to step out of the video game realm of playing a good guy and do it for real. I want the responsibility of putting the bad guys in jail, and to fight the good fight. I know there is a lot more to it than putting bad guys in prison, and I am up to the challenge. I have a passion within me for siding with good and for doing the right thing. I want to fight the good fight and be able to say, "I made a difference. I did something that made the world a better place." I want to know that through my actions, the world is just a little bit better than it was the day before.

I appreciate the edit kwang. Keep in mind this is a very rough draft and wanted to get my idea down and make sure that paragraphs flowed together and everything tied back together in the end. I also wrote the majority of this very early in the morning. Is the idea at least interesting and something that may stand out? With my LSAT score being average I really need this to stand out and set me apart from the crowd.

I just took a more serious approach to the thread and just scanned your paragraph. One thing stood out and that is your use of the word "goons"; while it shows a realistic tone, in this setting it's not appropriate. I'd consider replacing it with a word like: offenders.

Its not too bad. But like some of the guys said above, what your saying is good, but the language you use to say it you might need to look at. Write it like your talking to a group of 40-60 year olds that are very proper and formal, because more likely than not that IS who will be reviewing your essay.

And personally, I would leave out stuff about sending people to jail and replace it with lines about upholding the law, helping those that have been unfairly hurt by others, and bringing criminals to justice. But all of that is just wording like I said before.

Good Luck

Thanks for all the feedback guys. I know the language is rough but this draft was more about getting the idea down on paper to flush it out. Wanted to make sure I had an interesting concept that would stand out among a crowd.

^^^

Remember to wear a Yamika, wear a patch of the star of David on your shoulder, and memorize every word of the Torah in Hebrew and you should be good to go.

People interested in law need to have a thick face. The honesty thing doesn't work either. In order to do something for the people, it is going to take a good argument. I lost plenty of cases because my argument wasn't solid enough. I've been working on this for years now, and I can say that Gman is right. Everything is about proving something beyond reasonable doubt. Another thing is don't try to rush a case. If you are a nice guy then you will feel like you are wasting peoples time. Don't feel that way, take your time and read people.

Its doing what you want, it is interesting and a different take on your points your tryn to make. Im horrible at grammar but you are going in the right direction of where you want to go with that.