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 Really fucked up jokes. 
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Joined: Thu Oct 27, 2011 12:01 pm
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Post Really fucked up jokes.
Why can't you fool an aborted fetus?

It wasn't born yesterday.

What's the difference between Hitler and Michael Phelps?

Phelps can finish a race.

What's the hardest part about cooking vegetables?

Getting the wheelchair in the oven.

Quote:
So there's some soldiers in Vietnam. And they've been pinned down in their trench for days. Finally one guy says "F*CK this I really have to pee guys. Lay down covering fire, i'll run into the bushes. When I'm done I'll give a signal and you can give me covering fire while i run back."
So they lay down fire, and he runs off into the jungle. But he's gone for a good half an hour, they're finally convinced that he's been murdered by Charlie when they hear the signal. So they lay down fire and he sprints out of the jungle and leaps back into the trench.
So obviously they're pretty confused. They ask "what the hell took you so long man?"
The guy says, "well i was just finishing up my business, when I met this beautiful Vietnamese girl, and we just started having sex right there. we did every position imaginable, missionary, doggy style, everything. It was great."
One of his buddies asks "Well did you get any head?"
He replies "There was no head."


Quote:
About a month ago, my wife tells me that on her birthday she wants to treat her like a princess. So on the big day I got her drunk, put her in a Mercedes, and crashed it into a wall.


You know what princess Diana and cell phone reception have in common?

They both die in tunnels.

Why did princess Diana cross the road?

She wasn't wearing a seat belt.

How did they know Princess Diana had dandruff?

They found her Head & Shoulders in the glove box.

Why do German shower heads have 11 holes?

Jews have 10 fingers.

When does a black woman know she's pregnant?

When she pulls out her tampon and finds all the cotton picked out.

Quote:
I was walking when all of a sudden I see a black guy carrying a TV on his shoulder, I asked myself " Isn't that mine?" .. But then I realised mine was back home washing the dishes.


Quote:
People can be so easy to read. Like if their face is red, they're embarrassed. Or if their skin is brown, they're about to commit a crime.


Why do black people have nightmares?

Because the last black man to have a dream got shot.

What's black and doesn't work?

Half of Detroit.

What's gray and looks good on a firefighter?

The World Trade Center.

Why are all black people so good at basketball?

Because every single one of them can run, shoot and steal.

What's the difference between Jack Daniels and General Custer?

Jack Daniels is still killing Indians

What do you do when there is a black guy bleeding on your lawn?

Quit laughing and reload.

What's the opposite of Christopher Walken?

Christopher Reeve

Quote:
If only Africa had more mosquito nets, then every year we could stop millions of mosquitoes from dying needlessly of AIDS.



Stolen from Reddit, enjoy, and add any more you please.


Last edited by Zonata on Mon Dec 05, 2011 12:49 pm, edited 1 time in total.



Mon Dec 05, 2011 11:03 am
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Post Re: Really fucked up jokes.
I laughed until I saw "General Custard."

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Mon Dec 05, 2011 12:24 pm
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Post Re: Really fucked up jokes.
Gman wrote:
I laughed until I saw "General Custard."


F*CK, I didn't even notice that; I shouldn't have been lazy and copypasta'd


Mon Dec 05, 2011 12:48 pm
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Post Re: Really fucked up jokes.
good ones gonna use these next saturday when the guys are hanging around the huntin shack

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Mon Dec 05, 2011 2:47 pm
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Post Re: Really fucked up jokes.
Pretty funny. Especially the German shower Head one and Jack Daniel's one

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Mon Dec 05, 2011 3:15 pm
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Post Re: Really fucked up jokes.
I just told the Micheal Phelps one to my buddy and he started cracking up in the library, hahahaha.

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Mon Dec 05, 2011 3:47 pm
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Post Re: Really fucked up jokes.
What did the nazi say to the black jew?

"Get in the back of the oven."

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Mon Dec 05, 2011 4:07 pm
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Post Re: Really fucked up jokes.
Hahahaha, Im gonna be stealing alot of these. Love it. hahahaha.

Whats a shame? Bus full of AFRICAN AMERICANS going over a cliff. Whats a "crying" shame? One empty seat.

If it costs $500,000 to send every AFRICAN AMERICAN from here back to africa, and you only have $250,000, what do you do? Send them all half way.


Mon Dec 05, 2011 10:00 pm
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Post Re: Really fucked up jokes.
Why doesn't Mexico have a good Olympic team?

Because all the Mexicans that can run, jump, and swim are all here.

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Last edited by FuZZyLoGiC on Tue Dec 06, 2011 6:02 pm, edited 1 time in total.



Mon Dec 05, 2011 11:34 pm
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Post Re: Really fucked up jokes.
I've got a few that I told some people in vent a while back.

What happened to the AFRICAN AMERICAN that looked up his family tree?
A monkey shit on his face.

What's red, yellow, and green and hangs on my front porch?
My AFRICAN AMERICAN, I can paint him any color I want!

Why do AFRICAN AMERICANS stink?
So blind people can hate them too.

What is a AFRICAN AMERICAN?
Proof that skunks F*CK monkeys.

What's the difference between a dead dog in the road and a dead AFRICAN AMERICAN in the road?
The dead dog has skid marks in front of it.

What's the most confusing day in Harlem?
Father's Day

Why are AFRICAN AMERICANS like sperm?
Only one in a million actually work.

What do a AFRICAN AMERICAN and an apple have in common?
They both look good hanging from a tree.

Why are AFRICAN AMERICANS always buried 12 feet deep?
Deep down they're good people.

Why are there trees in Harlem?
Public transportation.

What do you call a AFRICAN AMERICAN priest?
Holy shit.

Do you remember the AFRICAN AMERICAN family on the Jetsons? No?
The future looks pretty good!

Why don't jews like oral sex?
It's too close to the gas chamber.

Why do AFRICAN AMERICANS drive with their windows up?
They think the smell is coming from outside.

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Mon Dec 05, 2011 11:53 pm
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Post Re: Really fucked up jokes.
What's a Jew's a objective in football? To get the quarter back

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Tue Dec 06, 2011 12:11 am
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Post Re: Really fucked up jokes.
Why did the baby not cry when it came out? It was a still birth

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Lots of people have birthdays in early November. I like to think that it's because their parents fucked on Valentine's day.

"OH BABY YOU BOUGHT ME A HALLMARK CARD AND SOME F*CKING ROSES. PLEASE BUST A LOAD IN MY SNATCH AND LET'S MAKE A CRITTER"
"LOL K"
*SPLAT*

-Gman


Tue Dec 06, 2011 6:34 pm
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Post Re: Really fucked up jokes.
Those are fucked up. Hilarious though in a very sick way.

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Tue Dec 06, 2011 7:14 pm
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Post Re: Really fucked up jokes.
Korg63 wrote:
Those are fucked up. Hilarious though in a very sick way.


Unfortunately, there were sicker ones that I didn't include.

Pedophile jokes are apparently a thing...


Tue Dec 06, 2011 7:15 pm
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Post Re: Really fucked up jokes.
good read, i'm not much of a jokester (<-- not a real word apparently) myself but I still laugh at jokes

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Tue Dec 06, 2011 7:50 pm
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Post Re: Really fucked up jokes.
Luke wrote:
Why did the baby not cry when it came out? It was a still birth


Hey, when I was born, I was very still, not making a sound just looking around at everyone and the doctor tried spanking me. No chance. Pinched and scratched me? I still was like "sup, yo!". Finally he drew blood out of my foot and F*CK.

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Wed Dec 07, 2011 1:03 am
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Post Re: Really fucked up jokes.
No way! I used to tell fucked up jokes all the time! ...until I got an arrow in the knee...

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Fri Dec 09, 2011 3:21 pm
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Post Re: Really fucked up jokes.
What's the difference between a black man and a large pizza?

A large pizza can feed a family of four.

_________________
what is the central theme to this everlasting spoof? --Phish
A common mistake that people make when trying to design something completely foolproof is to underestimate the ingenuity of complete fools. --Douglas Adams
The tree of liberty must be refreshed from time to time with the blood of patriots & tyrants. --Thomas Jefferson
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Fri Dec 09, 2011 10:10 pm
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Post Re: Really fucked up jokes.
FuZZyLoGiC wrote:
What's the difference between a black man and a large pizza?

A large pizza can feed a family of four.


This one caught me by surprise, and I just about cried.

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Sat Dec 10, 2011 2:11 am
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Post Re: Really fucked up jokes.
A Catholic Priest, a rapist, and a pedophile walk into a bar. He orders a beer.

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Sat Dec 10, 2011 2:22 pm
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