.22 Long Rifle: "Honey! The newsman says that squirrels are jacking cars now! Get me by Buckmark!"

.25 ACP: You don't even have to buy one. Just take four quarts of Mickey's to a bad neighborhood.

.32 ACP: "If it's good enough for James Bond..."

.380 ACP: Just like your last girlfriend, it'll screw up your head and heart, but otherwise you'll be fine.

9mm Makarov: Так же, как ваш последний подруга, она испортить вашу голову и сердце, но в противном случае вам будет хорошо.

9mm Parabellum (Luger, NATO, etc.): Every shot counts, so take extra.

.40 S&W: Shortened 10mm, AKA ".40 Short & Weak."

10mm: Got arthritis? Want some?

.45 ACP: Because John Moses Browning said so.

.50 AE: No. Unless your name is Bullet-Tooth Tony, just... just no.