No this isn't about the hot topic (though I did lol when I read it and immediately regretted a vote I made on a poll before I read all that nonsense... but whatevs)

A few of you might have read another story on here about how I was getting divorced. Well lol'dy, lawl, lol, I got everything finalized after settling in mediation with my ex-whife (see the wh there? That implies she was a WHore. Clever, I know) but the story doesnt end there, no sir, it keeps on going.

There were a bunch of hoops I had to jump through to get this crap over with and avoid going to court and paying a lot more. Some of this was simple shit like, "no watching movies with a rating higher than PG." Long story, but basically my ex will try anything to make me out to be a terrible father -- in this case I let my kid watch a "horror" movie from the 1950's, House on Haunted Hill, and she thought I showed my 4 year old daughter the one where Owen Wilson gets his head chopped off by a chimney sweep. [sarc] Yeah, and next week I'll be showing her "Hobo with a shotgun." [/sarcasm]

One of the biggest hoops was drug testing. I had to take a hair test the day of mediation before everything we did at mediation was legit. Then I'd be required to submit to random drug tests once a month for 12 months after that. Not really a big deal for me, I won't lie, I always enjoyed a little pot -- it made school easier, writing was easier, I ate less, I ate healthier, and I drank less. But some stuff in life is bigger than having an easier time in school and keeping my sexy physique. The biggest problem I have with the drug tests is that I have to pay 50 F*CKING bucks every time I go and I've already got plenty of other shit to pay. BUT FINE, i'll F*CKING do it. Like I said, more important things to think about.

The reason I had to do all that was because she was up on her high horse trying to make me look like an asshole (well maybe I AM an asshole, but I'm not that big of an asshole) and in the state of Texas mom's have the upperhand when it comes to kids, and divorce in general. Well, I passed my hair test, because WHAMMY, if she thought I didn't see that coming 6 months prior she's an idiot, but even idiots can have hope, I guess. WHAMMY WHAMMY. I didn't even bother asking for her to get hair tested because she bleached her hair so nothing would show up (this is verified in an email where the head of the testing company said hair samples that were bleached would come back negative) but I did insist that if I had to be drug tested once a month for a year then so did she.

I think by now you might realize where this whole "So I lol'd" thread is going...

A couple of weeks ago I get word that she FAILED HER DRUG TEST LAST MONTH. Wooooooooooooow.
I definitely lol'd.
I lol'd F*CKING hard.
I lol'd SO F*CKING hard I now have a heart condition and I've got to take pills everyday so I don't F*CKING die.

And what's more she didn't just fail and show up for pot or something, it was for AMPHETAMINES. Sweet lord. I mean the bleached hair look made her look like a meth-head but HOT DAMN I thought I was just being bitter!

So here I am, with 9 more months of drug tests to go and I might not even live that long because I'm so busy laughing I can barely breathe. Maybe it's not THAT funny, since you know she's my kid's mom and all, and her being a worthless waste of space -- really, she does nothing... NOTHING doesn't go to school, doesn't work, doesn't do shit other than sleep and drive to Ft. Worth to go to her boyfriend's house. While I'm running all over the F*CKING place going to class, work, picking up my kid, and TRYING TO PLAY SOME F*CKING COUNTERSTRIKE, GOD DAMNIT -- isn't really good for me since I pick up the slack, and when her mom looks bad and people don't know we're divorced it makes me look bad, too (until they find out we've been separated for 2 years)

But then, after I've finished laughing, there's the sad part. There really isn't much that I can do even though she failed her drug test. For all I know she's sitting back laughing because she knows there's nothing I can do about it other than take her back to court and pay a shit ton of money to maybe turn the table on her and have my daughter's permanent residence be with me and have her pay me child support.

Oh well, there's an update on the life of Unstawpable. Also I haven't had butts3x since St. Patty's day, so if anyone is interested just look me up in the phonebook under "Stephen."

wasnt sure if i should laugh or cry at the end of this but damn and holy shit came to mind so there it is.... divorced myself so i feel ya on the wtf... best thing that happen for me so congrats on that and good luck with getting your kid... hope it all works out in the end just the way you want it to!!

So, even though SHE failed a drug test, YOU'RE still the bad parent? I hate all these laws and rules that protect the women during divorce cases and shit like that. Half the time, it's their fault that you're in this situation.
I really do hope for the best with you, man.

Dude that made me lol as well. Isnt it funny how shit like this happens? It sucks youre going through this though. Load of bullshit and I hope it all works out for you and your kid. Divorces are tough especially on kids and it sucks shes using the kid to stick it to you (atleast thats how im reading it). I hope it all works out for the better for you as im sure it will. If she tripped up once shell trip up again and again.

Lawl? Sorry about the way it worked out. Also, I hope a midget runs up to her and drop kicks her knees from the front. Also I hope he steals all of her money/cards and buys a lot of pr0n.

holy shit man :o never getting married , no benefit except for the taxes and all (which isnt that much)

I read about half of this, dude, be the bigger man. You don't want to F*CK over the mother of your kid, you guys have a future together for you child, and the sooner you drop all the bullshit the better for your baby.

I have two kids with a crazy bitch, and she spent 5 years trying to wreck my shit, and I spent 5 years saying "oh ya, well F*CK you, I am going to do this too"

That shit doesn't help your kid. Look it, your kid is all that matters, don't be emotional, stop letting her push your buttons and be a man for your kid. If she fucks up, or fucks you over, turn the other cheek and be an example for your kid. It sucks, it's hard, but that's what a man/parent has to do.

youre an idiot twig.

All I can say is that I've been the kid in that situation, and I'm so glad my father pursued legal rights to full custody. My biological mother works at a KFC in Kansas, and I'm happily in Oregon getting a college degree. Get your daughter back, you can give her a good future.

Next time read the whole thing, because sometimes it's lulz.

"Stephen", expect a call from me soon. *wink*

Just an FYI: I only do two at a time ;)

good job i hope everything is going great with you and your kid

Good luck with everything man. it pisses me off how swayed the court system is towards women. you have given me more reasons to never get married and just have tons of bit**es and hos

this thread is full of qq and has a serious lack of pew pew.

Just saying.