Bit of background here - I do tech support for a cell phone company troubleshooting phones and modems.

So I was at work, doing my thing, and a call comes in - big surprise, it's a transfer.

Rep: "Yea...hi...my name is ***** and I have this lady on the phone. Her internets not working."

Me: *Silence*

Rep: "Well anyways, she called earlier today and she had a headache, so I called her back and it's still not working so we wanted to see if there was anything you could do to fix it."

Me: "Of course I'd be happy to help, go ahead and bring her on over, again my name is Protege" (I don't go by protege)

As she is introducing me I'm reading the account remarks and find out that she just had surgery, doesn't say what kind.

Me: "Hi ******! How are you doing today?"

Customer: "Oh I could be better...." (she sounds like she just was in a car crash, and also sounds 60+ years old)

Me: "Well I'm sorry to hear you weren't feeling well earlier, I see you had some kind of surgery! I hope you feel better soon!" (always good to build rapport)

Customer: "I had cataract surgery...everything...is kind of...blurry" (not to mention she sounds intoxicated, most likely from pain killers)

So 35 minutes later, I help a half blind-drugged up woman that just had eye surgery successfully connect to the internet on her computer.

At some point in the conversation she had said something about going to get some juice...not sure what she meant.

But anyways....I'm sure I'll have more stories as more crap falls in my lap.

Reflecting back on today, there really wasn't much to be excited about...no call really sticks out in my mind. So I've decided to share a different experience, perhaps my most enjoyable one.

I was working, like any other day, and a call comes in.

This lady, who is most likely in her mid 60's is having a difficult time getting her mobile hotspot to connect to her laptop computer.

Normally, this is an easy call - but we seemed to have had some type of language barrier.

You see - What most normal humans call a "hotspot," she had dubbed it the "G-Spot."

Seeing how she had no idea what she was saying or doing I decide to make this the most memorable moment of my career.

Me: "Hi I understand you are having issues with your hotspot?"

Customer" "MY WHAT?" (I assume she had a face that looked like this <( o.O )> )

Me: "Your mobile hotspot? You can't connect it to your computer."

Customer: "this g-spot or whatever is worthless, it doesn't work."

Me: *Silence* *contemplating consequences of potential conversation* "I'm sorry that it's not working - what happens when you try to use it"

Customer: "Well I plug my g-spot into my computer and click connect and the internet won't load"

Me: "Hmmm...I see, well it's not supposed to do that, usually these work very well in my experience."

Customer: "it's a worthless piece of garbage and I'm going to throw it out the window pretty soon." (typical)

Me: "Well I understand your frustrated but I don't recommend throwing it a way since you don't have insurance - but lets see if we can get it working again...what color is the light"

Customer: "There is no color, it just says not connected....oh, you mean the g-spot, it's blinking green."

Me: "Ok - then you should be fine - go ahead and remove the battery from the unit."

Customer: "My computer or the G-spot"

Me: "The second one...."

Customer: "how the hell do you get it out I've never done this before."

Me: "haha, yes, it can be difficult to remove a battery from a device like this" *i giver her instructions on how to remove the battery - then I do some things on my side"

Me: "Ok that should do it - go ahead and reassemble the device and turn it on"

Customer: "How do you turn it on?"

Me: " It should have a power button - just try pressing it once - that usually does the trick for me."

Customer: "ok it's turning on....OH.....oh....Ok...now it's working."

Then I close the call - but anyways, that is probably the most perverse call I will ever take in my career.

Hope it made you laugh. (and yes, it is true.)

LoL to the 2nd one. You are lucky that you can just do it on the phone and not in person. When I was working in the store I would have older people come in that had no idea what was going on. I worked in more of a farming community and the old guys have no filter and really dont care what you think. I had one guy come in who couldnt get his phone to tether with his laptop. As I am helping him out and getting everything to work and making small talk he just out of nowhere says, "I hope you can get this to work, I need to see some titties" and it took everything in my body not to burst out laughing in his face. Be happy you have the ability to press mute :)

LOL that is so F*CKING hilarious! What company did you work for/Where do you work now?

I roll my eyes, face palm, throw my fists up in frustration and curse all day long thanks to the mute button.

I see people with porn apps from time to time, but it's rare. Usually the truck drivers =)

hahaha, that 2nd one is awesome, i dont know how u held back from saying something about the "g-spot" , you should of said something along the line of "yea those g-spots can be really sensitive" hahaahaha

If I did that would have definitely got me fired. I just played ignorant =D

I used to work for ATT, now I stay at home and watch my little one and work on getting into law school. Wife got a good job and its cheaper for me to stay home than send him to daycare so thats what I do now. I was our tech savvy guy so I got all the old people with the problems. I hated it when they would hand me a phone and say it doesnt work. I open the battery compartment and its wet then they tell me it got dropped in the toilet. Dont miss that at all

LOL when you realize you are holding their shit covered phone.

Great Story. Got me to laugh and I've just had a terrible day, so far reading this was the highlight.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!

Like I kept reading these transcripts just waiting for you to like crack a subtle joke to her and just see if she catches it but I guess you don't wnat to risk losing ur job over it so good boy restraining yourself.

Alrighty so just they other day I had what many would call "one of them crazy ladies...."

Yes, she definitely was. Now most people I talk to generally tend to be a little funny or way to serious. But let me start by saying that this woman, who was very very nice (seriously, nice lady) was on some kind of medication...

Me: "Hi how are you today?"

Customer: "Well I'd be doing a whole lot better if we could get this working. I can't get it to connect to anything."

After asking some questions I have determined that the unit is still powered off. No biggy, happens all the time.

Me: "Ok ma'm let me have you press the power button once on the top of your hotspot - You should see the light on the side change colors several times." (Now the only reason I say this is because I have had crazy people on the phone before and usually this well keep them from doing what this lady did)

Customer: "Ok....its turning green, now its pink or purple, green, now its purple, now it's green again, now it's purple - I think there's something wrong here - Now it's green and now it's purple again. Ok now it's stuck on purple is that bad?"

Me: "No ma'm it's completely normal. That is its boot cycle, it will do that each time."

We go through a few things to get her connected and break into many different tangents....a few notable things she had said;

"No honey you're a 8 year old boy you cannot wear high heels."

"It's not a python it's just a california kingsnake."

By the end of the call she was thoroughly satisfied as are all the women I interact with in life (outside of my family you sickos).

Just another interesting experience I thought I'd share with you all. More to come unless I get promoted or fired.

I have a funny story from when I did shitty tech support about 6 years ago. I'll piggyback this thread because I'm an asshole.

An obnoxiously Asian lady called in and was having a probrem with her DSL modem. I couldn't understand hardly anything she was saying. We were making no progress and had been talking for a good 5-10 minutes. I asked her, "Ma'am, is there anybody in the house who might be able to make this a little bit easier for both of us?"

And I shit you not, she replied (think obnoxiously asian accent here) with, "Oh yeah, here my daughter. She fifteen. She do anything you want."

My mind IMMEDIATELY went to the movie "Full Metal Jacket" and the Alabama Blacksnake scene. I F*CKING lol'd so hard that I almost pissed myself.

haha I love it...


We techinicians have such dirty minds >.>

Ok....so I spent the last few days at work - nothing really notable here except for one lady today...

Situation: This call get's transferred to me, a stupid transfer nonetheless, but I make an attempt because it's what I do.

Representative: YEa...um...this phone - well - the lady was sent a phone and it won't activate, it just says device does not exist. I was hoping you could find it.

Me: *mute button on* ARE YOU F*CKING KIDDING ME *Mute button off* "Sure can go ahead and bring em on over.

Me: Hi **** How are you doing today?!?

Customer: ID BE DOING BETTER IF THIS PHONE WOULD WORK

Me: *Internal thought* sigh...why me, why the F*CK...better use my punchline to de-escalate!

Me: "I know haha!!! I heard your phone hasn't been behaving very well at all lately! It definitely shouldn't be this stubborn! Let's see if we can't get it to cooperate with us so you have a working phone (guaranteed, this smooths anything with anyone over the age of 50.)

Customer: Ok.

We begin to troubleshoot her issue, the device really doesn't exist in our database which is beyond me on how it could happen. Just to make sure that the serial number didn't get labeled incorrectly we walk her through a series of steps to verify the phones internal programming.

Now let's not kid ourselves, the shit that I have this lady do she will never remember after 5 seconds - so I have her jot down the steps required.

Me: "Ok, go ahead and start by entering in the string of numbers I give you, then press send."

Customer: "But there's no service - it says initial programming required"

Me: "That's ok...just punch in the code that you have written down."

Customer: "what code?"

Me: "The one that I had you write down, it starts with ##776..."

Customer: "oh why didn't you say so - I have it written down hold on"

She punches it in, it takes a few tries but eventually she gets it.

Customer: "Ok now all I sere is something that says Service code with a bunch of questables"

Me: *Internal thought* QUESTABLES? WHAT THE FU- you know what I don't even care.

Me: "Ma'm since this isn't active in our system I'm going to mail you out one that is, I really am sorry that this happened"

Customer: "Well, his old phone works fine."

Me: "Why did we mail you a replacement phone?"

Customer: "I don't know - we would take a picture with the phone and it would shut off"

Me: "how many times has it happened and is it still happening?"

Customer: "oh...only once, and no, it never happened again"

Me: *Internal thought* and this is why companies lose money. Because some lazy ass hole just took the easy way out and replaced the phone, and that same ass hole will probably be promoted and I won't be because I fix shit.

End of call

I love my job. I hate my boss. My boss is lazy. My boss was probably promoted because they didn't give a shit about the work that they do.



BTW, does anyone work at Dell, or know anyone that works for Dell? I'm thinking about applying?

I worked for Dell for over 4 years. I just left in August to work for a software startup where I'm MUCH happier and getting paid a little more. Dell is a great place to work. The benefits are awesome and you'll have a lot of opportunities to move up if you're motivated enough. I worked 3 different jobs in my 4 years there and learned a shitload doing each of them. Strange and Mr_Jeep still work for Dell.