So several friends and I went on this amazing camping trip/party event this past weekend. It's called "Pirate Weekend." Basically, we go out and camp at the Renfest and rage nerds while we're all dressed like pirates. "Hey look! It's a level ten virgin!" etc etc. There's an Admiral -- the guy who organizes the entire event, and several crews. Each crew consists of anywhere from 5-20 people, and there are anywhere from 5-10 crews there every year. I'm the captain of the crew "the Drunk Tank." We're the cool kids in class: the ones who are known for having a PhD in partying. I'll have tons of hilarious stories to tell you guys about pirate weekend later on, but there's one that's just completely hilarious and I feel I have to share it. So without further adeau, back to the steamrolling.

I was pretty drunk. I'd been drinking for a few hours... and there are all sorts of folks around. At this point, I've motorboated two sets of pretty nice jugs, and I was feelin' pretty good. In this crowd of rowdy drunken folks, there's a guy that's gotta be like 4 1/2 feet tall. I mean, this guy wasn't quite a midget... but it was really close. Dude was pretty well built, though. He seemed like the kind of guy that spends a lot of time in the gym trying to compensate for being short. Oh yeah, and he was bald. I think AngryKitten ended up calling him Verne Troyer or something... and the name stuck. Anyway, he was being drunk and stupid as hell. Apparently, he was going around telling people that he was part of my crew when he wasn't. I'd just met the guy.

One of the other Captains' wife came up to me and said that this short dude had been too handsy with her, and she wanted me (the guy who was supposed to be this guy's captain) to handle it. I explained to her that I didn't know this guy, but that I'd handle it anyway.

So... I went up to the dude and politely explained to him that if he didn't chill out, I was going to beat the living hell out of him. I told him that if I heard about him touching any of these women without an invitation to do so, he would be in on the ground getting his face redesigned by my fist. He said he understood and left.

A few hours later, Bones (another Captain), came up to me and asked me why his wife -- the one I talked to about Verne -- was crying and refused to talk to him about it. I asked Bones if this had something to do with the short dude. He said it did.

Ok. Game over.

I handed my drinks (yeah, I had two) to crew members of mine and yelled, "Hey! Where's that midget motherfucker?!" Someone pointed. I saw him.

"Hey! What the hell did I tell you?"

"What?" I could tell Verne was terrified.

"Game over, bro. You fucked up." He started to run, but it's too late. I got too close. I lunged forward at him, tackling him to the ground. "We had an agreement, man. I told you not to F*CK around, but you couldn't listen. Could you? No. You know what that means?" I started pounding his face. He was still terrified. He didn't look like he enjoyed having his face pounded in. I think he thought he was going to die.

People were starting to get concerned. I could hear things like, "get up, dude. The cops are here." We had a huge crowd around us, and everyone was worried that I'd get dragged to jail because of this guy.

"Not done yet." I hit him in the face a couple more times. He started struggling and got an arm free. I had to use both hands to hold him down and could no longer punch him as effectively. That's ok, though. I was pretty well done. I just wanted to explain to him that you don't F*CK with us. "You can't come over here and violate our women. What the F*CK is wrong with you? I warned you."

He started yelling. He demanded to see the woman who accused him. I explained that she was off somewhere crying because he crossed the line with her. He kept making demands. "Show me the woman! I have the right to confront my accuser, right?"

No, he didn't. Right about that time, a guy who I hadn't quite yet met steps on his throat and applies pressure. "You've lost your speaking privileges." Problem solved.

By this point, it was a good 90 seconds after the first warning that the cops were showing up. The crowd did a good job of hiding what was going on. I was highly encouraged to stand up and act like I had nothing to do with it. So I did. I stood up, got to the back of the crowd, and started playing dumb. "Hey, what happened?"

Bones dragged the guy off. Not sure what happened to him after that.

The cops never questioned me. Nobody ever ratted me out, even though a ton of people who witnessed this event were people who had never met me.

Haha you fucked that AFRICAN AMERICAN up!! I want to hear more stories!

lol, well that midget F*CK deserved it :)

THERE IT IS!
The midget story.
you sir are my hero.

Badass motherfucker right there!
Men should not mess with women unless invited, thats that.

AWESOME! If there is one thing in my book i do not stand for it is womanizing, Thank you Gman for making the world a safe place for beautiful woman everywhere. Also the party sounds great I always participate in talk like a pirate day with a pirate long coat, But damn I never new such pirate paradise could be had.

+eighty six thousand four hundred seventy two respect.

True story.

I had a front row seat to the whole spectacle. It was sexy.

That had to have been funny as F*CK. I'm going next year without a doubt. Hell yeah.

True F*CKING story!!!.

Yo Gman!!, im really happy for you, and im gona let you finish but Wayne has one of the best story´s of all time.

Wayne did stay up all night drinking.

Lol this is funny

I liked the part were you motor boated lol

you sir are a badass i tip my hat to you and raise a beer in your honor

lol midget beater

I'd tip my hat to you, if I ever wore a hat.

YOur Avatar does! Make him tip!

So several friends and I went on this amazing camping trip/party event this past weekend. It's called "Pirate Weekend." Basically, we go out and camp at the Renfest and rage nerds while we're all dressed like pirates. "Hey look! It's a level ten virgin!" etc etc.


that had me laughing for 3 minutes before reading the rest. that was awesome G. I want to hear more XD.

I need to fly down for the next one. This sounds like way too much fun.

Yes but the irony is that you probably used that as leverage to manipulate some women to F*CK you. Honestly the truth is that we have been trained to shit on each other for social gain. And no I don't condone that shit either, man.

Shut the F*CK up, you god damn pu$$y bitch HOMOSEXUAL F*CKER.

Lol.