So most people know that I graduated with a nursing degree...yea yea, whatever. This is just a couple of stories compiled while I was in school. As I remember more I will post them I'm sure. Good times.

Exhibit A)

I hear one of our floor techs (nursing assistant - gives baths, gets food, makes beds, etc...bitch work) as I am walking by one of our rooms call out for some help. So I open the door and this old man is on a bedside toilet and needs help getting back to bed. This patient couldn't walk on his own from being weak. So I help him get back into bed and he says he is gonna vomit. Well naturally you are supposed to turn their head to the side so they don't vomit up and it go back down into their lungs. Well this dumbass tech turns his head straight up, doesn't grab the garbage can for him to throw up in, and tells him "just hold on buddy." What an idiot. So this guy vomits. It literally goes about 3 foot in the air, straight up, comes straight down on this old man's face. I throw her a wet rag, tell her to clean him, and I walk my ass out.

Exhibit B)

40 year old man comes to to the hospital just to get some stomach ulcers looked at. Well he ends up going down hill and can't walk or control his bladder. Normally we don't put catheters in unless it is necessary. (A catheter for those who don't know is used to drain the bladder, but a downside it presents a lot of infections) Anyways, we didn't use one on this guy, but boy did he need it. So the techs (again dumbasses) put a diaper on the guy, which is normal in this situation. Well he was sitting in the chair beside his bed and wanted to get back in his bed. Well the techs couldn't lift him so I volunteer to pick him up and get him back in bed. Well when you put a diaper on someone, make sure you F*CKIN strap it on them so it doesn't fall off. So I pick him up, his diaper falls down, he pisses all over my leg. First experience getting pissed on. Unlike most of you who enjoy the golden shower.

Exhibit C)

I was in the operating room this particular day. A woman, eh say about 25-30, was getting a colonoscopy. It's where they take a camera and go up your rump and into your intestines to look around for anything abnormal. Well the surgeon was putting the scope in for a good ways, everything was going smooth, the woman started waking up and yelling "oww oww oww." All the surgeon says is "Take it like a champ" and the nurse puts the woman back to sleep.

Exhibit D)

Psych ward experience (where I work now). Every couple of weeks a woman brings her dog in for the patients to pet and stuff to try and cheer them up (we have a lot of depressed folks). Well anyways this dog was just sitting there with its owner and this black schizo dude comes running up, yanks his gown up and slaps the dog right in the face with his dick. The dog just went to the ground and started whimpering. So another patient we have, he's about ol' 6'8 300 pounds, stands up and charges this black dude and just takes him out. Black guy is out cold. Big guy stands up and looks at me, I didn't know what to do, I thought I was next. He just walks back over to the couch and sits down and watches more TV. Fun times.

Exhibit E)

I was on the delivery unit this particular day and I hadn't seen a vaginal birth. My teacher finds a woman far in labor and sends me that way. I walk in the door and she is screaming just like Weedman's Grandma when I got a hold of her. I told her who I was and she said "There are really guy nurses? I thought that was just rumors." I turned around to my teacher and she just waved me out of the room....thank you. I don't wanna see no baby destroying a vag.


That's all for now.

At our hospital we have a Geriatric Psych unit. I have some of my best times on these floors. I love the old military guys, we can get them to stand at attention and follow our orders like it was boot camp. We had an old black guy one time that was trying to rape all the old women. Hospitals are full of lulz.

I was feeling depressed after hearing about how much nurses make, but I feel much better after reading these stories :)

F*CK YEAH! What a hero!

You too? w00t!

Nurses make shit for money around here. Probably a good 15-20 thousand less than what most people would think.

And yea we have a Geriatric Unit also. It sucks.... I'd much rather be on the acute side. If they act up, we just shoot them up.