| n00bfest http://n00bfest.com/phpBB3/ |
|
| proofreader needed http://n00bfest.com/phpBB3/viewtopic.php?f=11&t=35742 |
Page 1 of 1 |
| Author: | Coach [ Tue Jul 13, 2010 1:35 am ] |
| Post subject: | proofreader needed |
LOL! I have a bit of OCD and even though I've checked and rechecked, I need someone to look over www.kiotdl.com and tell me if you see any mistakes. Stay off my dick on the shitty website, it's all I have to work with at the moment, hehe. Thanks in advance if anyone is able to help. Note: Some of the pages aren't finished, still working on it right this minute. You'll notice them because they'll have "more here" and such. |
|
| Author: | dirkdeagler [ Tue Jul 13, 2010 8:47 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: proofreader needed |
Happy to. |
|
| Author: | dirkdeagler [ Tue Jul 13, 2010 8:59 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: proofreader needed |
Actually looks pretty good. I didn't find anything english-wise that set me off, other than that some paragraphs seemed long. |
|
| Author: | Reborn [ Tue Jul 13, 2010 10:39 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: proofreader needed |
Here is a small revision from me (for the homepage text). I made a few changes here and there. I'll take a look at the other pages later. ===================================================================================================== Keep your weight on the down-low with hCG sublingual drops! Never before has it been so easy to lose weight than with this diet. I have been on many diets through the years and they all had one thing in common. They seemed to linger on forever, and I would lose interest due to the lack of fast results. With this diet, you follow the plan 23-40 days, and then you take a break for the same number of days to prevent becoming immune to the hCG. This allows your body enough time to stabilize your new weight with your hypothalamus resetting your body’s new weight set point. Now that I have tried the hCG sublingual diet, I know this will be the one that finally helps me succeed in reaching my goal. I was on the diet for 25 days. In those 25 days, I lost 28 pounds and 19 inches! With success like that, it was easy to stay motivated. The diet plan calls for a 500 calorie per day intake from a specific set of food, along with your sublingual hCG drops. The combination of the two will generate a caloric intake of 2500-3000 calories per day. hCG pulls the extra calories from the stored fat your body had long since forgotten. I was never hungry or tired! |
|
| Author: | Mindless [ Tue Jul 13, 2010 1:24 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: proofreader needed |
The second sentence of the introduction starts with "and"...that's a big no no. |
|
| Author: | Tazzaler [ Tue Jul 13, 2010 2:17 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: proofreader needed |
Mindless wrote: The second sentence of the introduction starts with "and"...that's a big no no. I was about to say.... Also just for reference to make personal count, paragraphs are usually 5-7 sentences (in referencing to Dirk's concern). |
|
| Author: | Reborn [ Tue Jul 13, 2010 3:50 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: proofreader needed |
When you are writing a technical paper or an article, that is true. For an online ad, the fewer sentences you have per paragraph, the easier it is for potential victims to read. |
|
| Author: | CHRiS [ Tue Jul 13, 2010 4:08 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: proofreader needed |
question, wth are you selling? |
|
| Author: | Coach [ Tue Jul 13, 2010 5:52 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: proofreader needed |
CHRiS wrote: question, wth are you selling? hCG, it's a sublingual dietary aid. My wife used it and lost 28 lbs and 18+inches (all over her body) in 3 weeks. It's all in the FAQ. |
|
| Page 1 of 1 | All times are UTC - 6 hours [ DST ] |
| Powered by phpBB © 2000, 2002, 2005, 2007 phpBB Group http://www.phpbb.com/ |
|