> be 8 years old
> no siblings
> at that point had only been to school one day in my life. I was a nervous wreck, and im sure other students would have picked on me except they couldnt because my mom actually stayed there at the school with me the whole day
> be early summer
> always see kids playing outside from my window, because kids actually went outside back then
> id seriously just sit there staring at kids playing outside, my mom never once thinking that this was strange
> never be allowed to even explore the neighborhood
> mom would occasionally walk with me down the street to this small playground/park type area, but if heaven forbid there were other people there i had to stay with her instead of maybe actually making some friends
> wake up early one morning, its raining outside
> my life is so pathetically dull that I am amused by rain- F*CKING rain
> mom lets me go outside and play in the rain, and by outside i mean the back yard
> in a move as rebellious as my life had ever been up to that point, i decide im going to jump into the biggest puddle i can find and cover myself in mud
> honestly just wanted to cover myself in as much filth as possible
> mom notices and doesnt even get mad, she just opens the door, laughs, and tells me im fine as long as i stay outside - "I guess boys will be boys hurr durr"
> closes the door and goes back to reading a book or whatever
> F*CK this im going to test my limits here, thug life
> leave yard
> walk down the street to the park
> im in deep shit when my mom finds out anyway, might as well try to mingle
> get to park
> the rain has stopped, but nobodys there because its like 8 in the morning and gross outside
> im covered in mud anyway
> realize im retarded, turn around to head home
> here a young girl scream "HIIIIIIIIII" and look over to see her waving at me from the back yard of the house closest to the park
> shes a little younger than me, maybe 6 or 7
> ohgodwhatdoido.jpg
> dont say anything just awkwardly walk over to her
> shes getting a kick out of how dirty i am
> offers to wash me off with a hose
> im too entranced by social interaction to resist the sweet song of this siren
> "ALLLLLL CLEAN" - this girl apparently had a problem with volume control
> asks if i want to play with a soccer ball
> oh sweet lord yes i do
> this lasts for probably about five minutes, i dont even have the coordination to kick the damn thing properly but my god im in heaven
> get this girl's life story in those five minutes - her name is jennifer and she likes thomas the tank engine
> greatest moment of my life at that point
> suddenly her dad opens the back door and shits a brick
> starts screaming bloody murder like im there to murder his daughter
> jennifer is crying
> i am scared shitless
> just stand there rigid, too afraid to move or make a sound
> crazydad walks over to me and F*CKING GRABS ME
> imgoingtodie.png
> drags me over to his car, opens the passanger door, and tells me to get in
> i just stand there because i have no idea whats going on or how i should be acting
> "GET IN THE F*CKING CAR!"
> i oblige
> jennifer gets in the back seat, shes pleading with her father to me nicer to me, "his name is marcus and hes really nice and he likes thomas the tank engine too"
> bitch i never said i like thomas the tank engine
> crazydad's voice is calmer now but hes still yammering on like crazy, telling jennifer she should have known better and he cant take his eyes off her for a second and some other paranoid shit
> drives me to my house, i havent even told him where i live
> see my mom standing at the front door with a couple of my neighbors, appearently she managed to organize a goddamn search party in the 15 minutes i was gone
> crazydad pulls into the driveway, parks at the very bottom, gets out
> yells to my mom "i assume youre looking for marcus?"
> my mom sprints over to the passanger side with tears in her eyes, opens the car door, and throws her arms around me
> "close your gate next time. at least you had enough sense to put a tag on him"
> mfw I am a dog
> mfw I never got to play in the mud again

oh F*CK, oh F*CK
was not expecting that in the end
expected mom's spaghetti
10/10
F*CKIN nice luke

I AM A HOMOSEXUAL

fkcin win

lol she talked to a dog for 5 straight minutes.