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rocksalt story for dirkdeagler
http://n00bfest.com/phpBB3/viewtopic.php?f=104&t=29947		 Page 1 of 1
Author:  Turkey_Testicles [ Tue Nov 10, 2009 1:26 am ]
Post subject:  rocksalt story for dirkdeagler
Was brough up in the thread about handguns (and somehow we got into talking about non-lethal shotguns) and desided that me being bored at work i would share with you my expirenced at being totaly pwned by an old man with a 12 gage of rocksalt.

So i was 17, living in Port Charlotte Florida. It was nearing the end of summer, so us kids who think were cool deside to go all out and F*CK like rabbits before the school year started. Nothing out of the ordinary. I had just finished signing up to join the army so im a little worse than usual, with my only military knowledge garnered from Full Metal Jacket.

Anyway i had a gf at the time. a nice little gothic girl who was submissive, but a tad bit psycho. Her mother was a nice person as well, but her father scared the shit out of all of us. Never smiled, never really talked unless he was cussing you out, you know, the senile type.

Well one night i tried to play romeo, and snuck out of the house and ran over to hers (about a 10 min drive out in the middle of the swamp). Her house was kind of secluded, swamp folk terratory so white trash galore. Her side and back yard were pretty big with an old rusted out charger rotting in the back yard. this place is significant because at night we would sneak back there and do the nasty away from the evil stare of her father.

So i snuck back there and waited patiently for the lights to go off. I sparked up a J of at the time i thought was good quality before i actualy tried something other than dirt weed. In the swamp, most of the smell is covered by the gasses released so there really was no worry of being cought. Besides, i was in the middle of white trash-ville, what could go wrong?

Well after blazing myself stupid, i desided it was time to do some romantic shit, so i picked up what i thought was at the time a pebble, and hucked it at her window to get her attention. While accomplishing the goal, i diddnt intend on putting the rock through the window.

At this point, most sober people whould have run away, but i was neither sober, or smart. I snuck towards the window and whispered up to see if she was alright. Things quieted down for a second, so we thought we were in the clear. She told me to meet her by the back screen door.

This was another dumb move. What SHOULD have transpired, was i waited BY the door for her to walk out, and we sneak back behind the charger and take care of our booty call. As you can probably guess, this is NOT what happened. Her father, whome we had orgionaly thought was still fast asleep, had somehow managed to sneak down stairs and load his 12 gage with a single shell of rocksalt. I walked up to the screen door and put my hand on the knob when i heard the hair raising clik-click of the shotgun. followed by the pown of the shotgun. This was the day i found out that shotguns dont go boom, they go POWN!

On the bright side, i landed in grass. my black denim jacket cought the brunt of things so i was told, but it messed my face and my chest up. I was bleeding and had felt a pain previously unknown to me. If i diddnt think i was going to die already, i would have been praying for it. Rocksalt mixed with black powder is seriously painful shit.

Now bear in mind that neither I, nor my girlfriend at the time knew that i was just doublefacepalmed with rocksalt. So she runs out of the house screaming bloody murder, and im turning things over in my head wondering if im going to die, whats going to happen to my gf if i do, how my parients will take it, and if i would still have time to hit up a dennys.

Her father recognized me when he turned the light on and brought me inside to patch me up. This is where shit really took a strange turn. He said that he wouldent call the cops, but i had to pay for the broken window and screen door, and "If you want to F*CK my daughter, dont throw a rock through her window."

So ya, all i got out of that night was the feeling of wanting to die from the rock salt (warm water will clean it up quicker but holy shit, i cried like a 9 year old school girl when my gf poured it over the skin breaks.), i diddnt get laid, i was now down around 100 bucks, and i have to explain to my father in the morning why i look like i did a faceplant in the gravel.

so there you go dirkdeagler. thats how i know how painful rocksalt is. Ironicaly, later on that year, i also got pwned with a bean bag round fired from a riot gun in Tampa, but that is a story for another time....
Author:  Omega [ Tue Nov 10, 2009 1:57 am ]
Post subject:  Re: rocksalt story for dirkdeagler
Holy God I would be livid and beside myself with anger. Dude shottied you at his back door for throwing a pebble through his daughter's window. Overkill? Yes. Understandable? Kinda... but damn what happened to it only being self defense when the person is INSIDE your house? Crazy senile triggerhappy swampy redneck hoodoggy sumbitch!
Author:  Montreal [ Tue Nov 10, 2009 2:15 am ]
Post subject:  Re: rocksalt story for dirkdeagler
Haha F*CKING love these stories man! You don't get this up in Canada!
Author:  Turkey_Testicles [ Tue Nov 10, 2009 2:45 am ]
Post subject:  Re: rocksalt story for dirkdeagler
well if you think about it this way, it was at night, dark, someone just threw a rock through your daughters window, and you see someone trying to break into your house through your back door. Im just glad he diddnt call the cops, else my military contract would have gone bye bye.
Author:  Reborn [ Tue Nov 10, 2009 1:11 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: rocksalt story for dirkdeagler
Doesn't that mean the father essentially gave you his blessing to F*CK her? So did you do it afterwards when you got all patched up? And how did you explain your patchy situation to your parents?
Author:  Loke [ Tue Nov 10, 2009 4:57 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: rocksalt story for dirkdeagler
I loled as i can see you go GOBLE GOBLE !! after you got shot :P
Author:  mossyoak [ Tue Nov 10, 2009 7:12 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: rocksalt story for dirkdeagler
/ support the greatest section of the forums.
Its time for Gin the Messican to tell us some storiess, it seemed he was pretty againts story time.
His stories must be kick ass Yellow_Flash_Colorz_PDT_02
Author:  Turkey_Testicles [ Tue Nov 10, 2009 10:00 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: rocksalt story for dirkdeagler
Reborn wrote:
Doesn't that mean the father essentially gave you his blessing to F*CK her? So did you do it afterwards when you got all patched up? And how did you explain your patchy situation to your parents?



the man was a dick and diddnt seem to give two shits about what happened to his daughter. he would probably still beat her at night if he waznt too old.

told my parients that it was a skateboard accident. step mother believed me, father diddnt. reguardless i was grounded for a month for breaking curfew.
Author:  Montreal [ Wed Nov 11, 2009 12:21 am ]
Post subject:  Re: rocksalt story for dirkdeagler
Turkey_Testicles wrote:
Reborn wrote:
Doesn't that mean the father essentially gave you his blessing to F*CK her? So did you do it afterwards when you got all patched up? And how did you explain your patchy situation to your parents?



the man was a dick and diddnt seem to give two shits about what happened to his daughter. he would probably still beat her at night if he waznt too old.

told my parients that it was a skateboard accident. step mother believed me, father diddnt. reguardless i was grounded for a month for breaking curfew.


It could have ended up much worse haha!
Author:  dirkdeagler [ Sun Nov 15, 2009 7:30 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: rocksalt story for dirkdeagler
DUDE

I hadn't seen this till now. Thanks for posting, this is awesome!
Author:  Hiddenvally09 [ Sat Dec 19, 2009 12:29 am ]
Post subject:  Re: rocksalt story for dirkdeagler
Holy shit bro, what was he a Red neck
Author:  Turkey_Testicles [ Wed Dec 30, 2009 4:28 am ]
Post subject:  Re: rocksalt story for dirkdeagler
Hiddenvally09 wrote:
Holy shit bro, what was he a Red neck


He worked at a fishery, would giggle like a little girl at bug zappers, talked like boomhower on king of the hill, wore a truckers hat with beer stains on it, and beat the shit out of his daughter and wife.


no, hes a rather dignified and upstanding member of the community
Author:  AngryKitten [ Wed Dec 30, 2009 10:39 am ]
Post subject:  Re: rocksalt story for dirkdeagler
Turkey_Testicles wrote:
Hiddenvally09 wrote:
Holy shit bro, what was he a Red neck


He worked at a fishery, would giggle like a little girl at bug zappers, talked like boomhower on king of the hill, wore a truckers hat with beer stains on it, and beat the shit out of his daughter and wife.


no, hes a rather dignified and upstanding member of the community



So he's black?
Author:  mossyoak [ Thu Dec 31, 2009 4:02 am ]
Post subject:  Re: rocksalt story for dirkdeagler
AngryKitten wrote:
Turkey_Testicles wrote:
Hiddenvally09 wrote:
Holy shit bro, what was he a Red neck


He worked at a fishery, would giggle like a little girl at bug zappers, talked like boomhower on king of the hill, wore a truckers hat with beer stains on it, and beat the shit out of his daughter and wife.


no, hes a rather dignified and upstanding member of the community



So he's black?


I thought Asian but they can't be dignified or upstanding members of anything.
Author:  Mr.Reilly [ Thu Dec 31, 2009 8:36 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: rocksalt story for dirkdeagler
atleast it wasnt a F*CKIN deer slug jesus hahaha. god damn that sucks. Ive been shot with a rubber bullet..Dave matthews concert. Everyone got all F*CKIN drunk and high and decided to flip shit hahaha.
Author:  doublesven [ Fri Jan 01, 2010 8:11 am ]
Post subject:  Re: rocksalt story for dirkdeagler
Turkey turkey turkey what were you thinking you never try to break into a rednecks house they have like 5 guns within 5 feet of all the doors. You were a lucky motherfucker tho. I love the so called pebble part. At least she wasn't one of them rich chicks that think there life sucks and want to die.
Author:  Vendetta [ Mon Jan 04, 2010 12:16 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: rocksalt story for dirkdeagler
HAHAHAHA YOU GOT DUMBED OUT BY SHIT WEED! That must have been a REALLY good shitty joint!
Author:  Hiddenvally09 [ Mon Jan 04, 2010 10:48 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: rocksalt story for dirkdeagler
How dumb or stoned are you to not run when you break a senile rednecks window
Author:  Turkey_Testicles [ Sun Jan 10, 2010 2:58 am ]
Post subject:  Re: rocksalt story for dirkdeagler
doublesven wrote:
Turkey turkey turkey what were you thinking you never try to break into a rednecks house they have like 5 guns within 5 feet of all the doors. You were a lucky motherfucker tho. I love the so called pebble part. At least she wasn't one of them rich chicks that think there life sucks and want to die.



ya i know that now, its times like those where i wish i would have known coach or corpse at the time. then they could at least school this northern born winter yank on how the redneck species functions.

and the chick i was dating at the time was actualy like that, cept she waznt rich. considering the dick she had to swim through in order to get born, i dont blame her for wanting to hard boil her gene pool.
Author:  Montreal [ Sun Jan 10, 2010 3:12 am ]
Post subject:  Re: rocksalt story for dirkdeagler
I just re-read this story lmfao. Epic.
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